Gentleman’s Life: A Patriarch’s Physique

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A gentleman is many things: strong, stoic, unshaken in the face of danger. More than this, though, a gentleman is never emaciated. Understanding the importance of a few extra pounds is imperative, especially at the dawn of a New Year. After all, portliness is next to godliness - and, in this way, cookies are a stairway to heaven.

Gentleman’s Rule #649: success is not your bank statement, it’s your stomach.

January is a month for defying expectations. While everybody else is trying to tailor their suits a size smaller, a gentleman embraces a patriarch’s physique - otherwise known as a “dad bod” from what we’ve heard in less-gentlemanly hangabouts. An expression of self-admiration, a plump man is simply more dashing.

Throughout the years, many avoirdupois gentleman have snacked on Félix & Norton ready-to-bake cookie dough to maintain their spherical prowess. Marlon Brando was known to have an Ebony & Ivory or two. After battle, Teddy Roosevelt snacked on a Dark Chocolate Chunk. Orson Welles fancied himself a Ménage À Trois. Even the great Mr. Claus enjoys a Milk Chocolate Chunk cookie from time to time.

Being a true gentleman is not about kowtowing to the order of the day, it’s about paving your own way. An ample man who is double the size is also doubly attractive, so go ahead and fetch yourself another cookie this New Year.